Because he was now a school-aged child and identified very much by his given first name, we felt we should not change it. After I turned 18, a search angel cross-referenced my name with the Ohio birth index to confirm it. Even though I only had it for a short time. There is a paragraph portion that you have to submit explaining why you want a name change. However, if your child is already older and aware of their name, it’s a change that you should discuss and make with them. I felt as if I always had a part of my mom with me. Although I like my adopted name, I feel torn about it. I hope in sharing my personal stories you may feel better about the decisions you make regarding your child’s name. They should still have to pay child support when they are working, they should still have to provide medical coverage if they are working and their child should never loose their inheritance rights or loose their right to military or social security death benefits. It can spark quite a passionate debate. This child will be your responsibility legally for many years to come, and so sharing a last name may make things easier. I am an adult adoptee with 10 years of experience advocating and fostering relationships with adoptees, and over five years of experience teaching adoptive parents how to have a successful and genuine relationship with their adopted child. I reclaimed my birth name. All of her teachers used this name on a regular basis. If your proof of identity document doesn't reflect your current full legal name, you must present documentation of any name change (s). The adopted parents should accept our name as given and be very grateful to have received the baby in the first place and respect our bio mother's decision to name us, aas a mark of respect to her. Your adopted name is important too, as an overlay of additional vibrations that can assist you in life. While some people choose to change the child’s name, others may not. Did you choose a name prior to the birth that all parents (birth and adoptive) agreed on? Therefore, just prior to the age of 2, when we were able to finalize his adoption, we chose to change his name. Your name change should appear on your Decree of Dissolution (a.k.a. That should be the case in adoption as well. There are others who think that changing the child’s name is simply their right as the parents to the child, and all parents love to think of names for their children. It is imperative that adoptive parents understand what it means to keep a piece of a child’s birth mother with them after being adopted. Out of respect for her, I will not change my name while she is alive. It is crystal clear to me as a search angle that changing an adopted person’s last name to the name of the adopter is done in order to make it difficult for the adopted person’s family to locate them and remain connected to them as family. State laws vary, but sometimes portions of the identifying information about the child’s biological parents will be changed as well in the amended birth certificate. I am so happy to see how many adoptees have taken a stand on their identity and reclaimed their name. This is simply human nature. Since she is no longer here, I feel like this is the one thing she gave me and I need this to heal. If you got married or divorced and your name changed, there is no need to update your birth certificate. It's nice to know that you came out of a box. However, a younger child who is maybe still in elementary school may not mind changing their last name. My adoptive mom changed my middle name and gave me my natural mom’s name when my adoption was finalized at eight years old. Don’t feel that a dog cannot learn a new name, and don’t feel that a dog can’t learn a name completely dissimilar to his previous name. Generally, this original birth … You will need to petition a court to change the child’s name. (See phone numbers below for each type of change). A dog or puppy of any age can learn a brand new name within a few days. He did prefer to keep his first name. If it isn’t a safety issue for them, and if you agree, this may be okay. When all is said and done this is not about either sets of parent it is about me so although I don't understand why some would see this as disrespect. It is time for CHANGE! That is truly how many adoptees came to be…because Mother didn't ''matter''. I found my court ordered the name change. When a child is adopted, the birth certificate will be changed to reflect that information; precisely what is changed, and how, will possibly depend on the state in which the child and adoptive parents reside. One of the first things we did after each of our children’s adoptions were finalized was head to the social security office to request new social security numbers for them. xoxo. You can keep the first and middle name while changing just the last name. There are instances when one of the parents may change the child's last name without the permission of the other parent. So whatever… I no longer care one way or the other. I have to go before a judge in a room full of people, get sworn in under oath, and explain why I want my name change. However, he was a foster care placement until he was legally adoptable just before his 2nd birthday. We did change his middle and last name. We have also adopted another child from foster care that was older. We also arranged to change his social security number as well. It was don't to her with no semblance of consent. By dismissing the importance and worth of the natural mother and saying 'you don't matter', 'what you want doesn't matter' to/about the mothers. It seems no matter what side you tend to lean to, there will be someone on the other’s side who opposes your decision. IAA: What advice would you give other adoptees in hopes of restoring their birth name? Millions of foster parents have parental authority and don’t share a last name with the children they have authority over. I am sorry to hear that your adoptive parents did understand you all the time, but I am proud of you for taking care of yourself and doing YOU! For instance, you could name your child Joseph after his birth mother whose name is Jackie. Peace, love, and prayers. This service is available at the county register of deeds where the birth occurred or through N.C. Vital Records by mail or by appointment. You don’t need to hire a … The original birth certificate will be placed with other adoption records and the file will be sealed by the court. It’s the last name that is giving me problems. As she grew, she did not feel a strong connection to that side of her family. Unfortunately, his case was very complicated, and in the end, we were not able to pursue adoption. When I was a kid, I wanted to change my name as I didn't like my adopted name at all. Minors are not allowed to petition to change their names , an adult must always petition on behalf of a minor, and the minor's parents must be notified. She is also a mom to numerous pets. In older child adoption, you may choose to change an entire name, or you may choose not to change the name at all, including leaving their original last name. Thanks for this post! I have found my birth family, and my birth mom has passed away. While the birth parents may give them a name initially, many will expect that the name will change at adoption. Had the adoption been allowed, we would have petitioned for him to be able to choose his own name as he wished. After a child is adopted, his name is changed according to your wishes. non-adoptees change their surnames when they get married, or divorced, or famous, or just cause they dont like their original surname. The court you use will depend on your state’s rules. But you should not stop there. Since whatever first and middle names I may have been given are not associated with perpetuating a surname, they are somewhat less significant to me. How can you tell them I could not find your mom in time to save you from the permanency of adoption. I always tell myself that I have to take care of myself first. However, to be clear, you cannot normally change the name on your (or your child’s) birth or adoption certificates. IAA: I completely agree with you. I am an adult adoptee with 10 years of experience advocating and fostering relationships with adoptees, and over five years of experience teaching adoptive parents how to have a successful and genuine relationship with their adopted child. They also changed my last name to theirs when they changed my middle name. My name at birth was Francis Rose. If I was given an original birth name, I have no idea if it would have been my biological mother’s last name or my biological father’s last name. People tend to see parenting as a competition for some reason, and they think their way is always best. I am glad you feel ok, I am too filled with inner drama to feel completely at peace, I think it will be this way to my end. IAA: You recently went to the courthouse to petition your name change. If so, you should honor your agreement in good faith. To do a full numerological analysis requires a consideration of many factors but a core one is … All of my children have had a name change. No two families are the same, and comparisons are pointless. On my biological mother’s side, my genes have a significant amount of Native American/First Nations peoples (although you couldn’t tell it to look at me), descending through the same bloodlines as the existing far North American, First Nations peoples, and the existing Tarahumara Native Americans of northern Mexico; all with a bit of the Iberian peninsula, and other continents and ethnicities thrown in as well. Adopters take so much from us all. My birth mother gave me my name for two reasons – she simply liked my first name and my middle name was given to me after my grandmother. If the " filing date " is months after you were born, this indicates either your parents changed something or you may have been adopted. I've had three separate and distinct birth certificates (all issued by The State of New York), but also went to court and reclaimed my identity over ten years ago in California. Get it? Your birth name is the most accurate name to use. An adult adoption completed in Louisiana will only change the person's name on their birth certificate. The parentage information on the birth certificate remains the same. She has been married for almost 15 years. Charish: Snooping through my adopted mother’s papers. If you're adopted, there is no "reclaiming" a name...not without legal documents, which may or may not exist. Therefore, I have no desire to perpetuate my adoptive family name. All my life I have been called by a nickname. I am on the fence right now whether to use my birth name or not because it is adoption related and it is ME. No matter what you choose, someone will likely play the part of devil’s advocate and try to make you question if you did the right thing. Or maybe I will hyphenate it. Parenting & exploring adoption for your child. If I am going to put in the effort and money to raise you I am going to get to determine who you are – I want to be your creator as well as your caregiver. You can ask the court to legally change the name you were given at birth, adoption or marriage. Therefore, he didn’t want to keep his given name, but he also didn’t feel comfortable with taking our name. Anonymous, just a heads up – my daughter made her choices as an adult. tel: (703) 940-0201. You do not have to do an adoption to change your name. If they were directly involved with the adoption, they can tell you, even more, allowing you to piece together the true and whole story of your adoption and how it came to be. I didn’t have to speak to anyone. The papers are signed already. I am sure you can agree. I really liked the name she gave me. On occasion, birth family or social workers would call him by his given name, but it was not a name he learned to respond to. Charish: I started writing my name as Francis when I found out my birth name, and for a few years refused to answer to anything else. Like my daughter, he felt no real connection to his last name. Adoptive parents will want the child to carry their name and not that of their birth family. into a tizzy. I'm Jessenia. We have an excellent relationship. You’ll use Form W-7A, Application for Taxpayer Identification Number for Pending U.S Adoptions, found on the IRS website here . Good of you, Michael! It is bad enough that a person looses their ability to be raised and cared for by their parents but to steal their name and their ability to remain part of their own family, grandchild to their grandparents, cousin to their cousins, sibling to their siblings is unconscionable. There is no in-between. Yes? At one time, we fostered a young teen for several years, and we believed we were going to be able to adopt him. It is not necessary at all and is only done to serve the vanity of the people who adopt. Your email address will not be published. Charish: It makes me feel nervous because he is someone who doesn’t know me, and I am having a hard enough time explaining to friends and family why I want this and they dont seem to understand it. Does it really matter? I went to the courthouse inside the Probate Court office, and told them I wanted to do an adult name change. I am gonna say you didn't read the article if you did you would see that I combined the names. The vital information will be the same on both (date and time of birth, etc). Adoptive parents can change this name to the one they have picked out on the adoption birth certificate, which will list both partners as the parents. She was pleased that we did keep a part of her choice with his middle name, and we did it to honor her. Best wishes to you girl! Thanks for this! Your daughter didn't. Reading the article is irrelevant to 'anonymous.' This is a combination of my true identity. My identity ties from both families it goes along with heritage. Tell us a bit about the process to get your name changed? I understand changing a last name, but completely removing a child’s first and middle name is like saying it wasn’t good enough. In many ways, it is a nice gesture to the birth parents to keep the child’s given name. Some adoptees are not named at birth it is not a requirement you should do research before you comment. So for his first 21 months of life, he had the name his biological mother gave him. She has no relationship with the adoptive parents and she asked me to "adopt" her to give her back her heritage, which is legal, then decided that, since I am a teacher without a lot to leave her, that she wanted to remain the adopted child of the people she calls names. However, what if you really do not like the child’s name from their birth parents? Let me know if you go through with it! Am I someone’s sibling, aunt, or cousin? Regarding the general concept of an adopted person changing his or her name, especially a person whose biological parents weren’t married, I have always liked the discussion between Lawrence and Ali in the movie Lawrence of Arabia, as can be seen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdF3bBkIRn0. Go to the court house and file to have a name change. Some children are very connected to their name and would be uncomfortable changing it. I understand that can just feel not worth the trouble, but it may mean the people who care may never know, you may wake up one day too late. She changed her name legally prior to being adopted. Divorce Decree), then you can start using your maiden name again. I want to restore my name because it is the only thing she gave me so I wish to be Charish Francis Rose”. How can you tell a person you cried for them so much but have never met. Obviously, parents want their adopted child to have the family name. If the child’s name was changed at the time of the adoption order being made, the short adoption certificate (and “full” adoption certificate) will show the child’s new name given at that time. In general terms, however, the original birth certificate may be kept and sealed and a new birth certificate may be created after adoption. That is not justice. I got picked on quite a bit for it so I didn't really enjoy it that much. My daughter has her original first and middle name… she tried to use me adopting her back as an emotional tool…. Is this child being adopted because they were in an unsafe situation and their parents’ rights were terminated? Thankfully, although my name was changed, it was modified for the better. We all deserve to have others in our corner, cheering for us and our families rather than trying to make comparisons. Maybe on some level I knew it wasn't my name. It was really special to me that she had done that. He is happy as long as I am. I have an opinion that differs from yours about name changes. This is awesome! 3. Go girl! An inability to care for your child does not alter who their child is or who they are to their child. For example, some states change the “place of birth” from the original place of birth to the adoptive parents’ residence. How does the changing an adoptee’s birth name affect an adoptee? When she gets married she intends to make her last name her middle name again, and take her husband’s name. IAA: What name are you petitioning the courts to grant you. Similarly millions of people raise their relatives children as legal guardians and nobody questions their authority or the integrity of their family unit just because the person they raised has a different last name. ), most families who are adopting want to give their child the family name. You can apply to change your name if you were: born or adopted in Queensland; born or adopted overseas and have resided in Queensland for the past 12 months (and currently live here). There is no other situation where a person is punished having their rights stripped due to the behavior of their parents. It would be great if people who adopted understood that creating a person makes a person a parent whether they raise their offspring or not – it’s just a fact in any medical text book or dictionary. Hello I am a free search angel. One member of a family should not control information about other members of the family as all people are inherently equal. Meet Charish, an adoptee in reunion with a closed adoption as she opens up about what her birth name means to her and her journey to restoring her birth name that is symbolic of her life. On the adoption certificate the name given at birth will be replaced with the new name, if the adoptive parents decide to change it. Would it be safer for the child to have a new name that is unknown to their biological family? Charish: I go to court in November, two months away. It might also say the word "Amended", again indicating a change. Regardless whether the adoptive parent isn't "trying" to take away from the adoptee, they are. I am very fortunate that my arrogance ended up not interfering with my daughter finding me. It’s a falsehood fabricated by people who want to have their family fully replace the family of the person they are raising. Charish: My birth mom ( I dislike that term) passed away in 2009. That means our happiness. However, we could not call him by another name while he was a foster care placement. I can’t just forget and dismiss my adopted side who raised me. I went six months with this name; it was MY name. That being said she could have named me lil bo peep but my mother chose to name me after women who meant something to her. This made me happy! If you were born or adopted in another Australian state or territory, you need to apply to the interstate registry office. Furthermore, a name-change, in the USA, (and else where), WOULD have to be done through the legal-system, if you ever want to travel to another country. my birth name was changed as well as my middle name upon adoption. Even though now it is common for families to have children with different last names than their parents (because of divorce, children born outside of marriage, etc. Charish: It was, for the most part, easy, just a few pages of paperwork. It’s rape on the soul and individuality of a person to alter their name in anyway in an effort to make them over into someone they are not and to sequester them from their own family in order to make them seem more completely part of the family that adopted them. Are you thinking of going with something else now? If it was a closed adoption, you need to also change the child’s social security number. 27 years apart is what my daughters paid so they could have their joy, and we our tears. That is a fallacy. If you are not adopting a newborn who doesn’t already have a given name by their biological parents, it may be a consideration for your family to change their name to something new. Adoptive parents have shared that they wanted to change their child’s name to give them a fresh start,  for religious reasons, culture, or because they want to be the one to name their child. Reveal number. It’s a struggle, but we try. I was looking because I was going to run away and find my “real” family. It is official. Hopefully, parenting can move from competitive to more supportive. It will not change, even if you change your name through adoption, marriage, or deed poll. this can have the same emotionally devastating effect. Changing Your Name Through Marriage, Divorce, Adoption or Citizenship I feel so helpless, angry, sad these adopters crept into my daughters's life so impersonally, so secretively, without a care for mother or a child's family or roots. All my life I wanted to parent my own children, I can't believe adoption happened to my child. This is certainly something you can do as an adoptive parent. I haven't looked back. In fact, I have a desire to actively end the name and to make sure that it does not survive. I’ve never really liked anything about my adoptive middle name except that it’s fairly unique. A: You are right. She began using her middle name as her last name when she could (as long as documents weren’t legal). There are of course, exceptions. This is an area where I have some experience. Your bio mom had to name you something for the birth certificate. If you have an open adoption situation, you may be able to choose a name and have it placed directly on the birth certificate if the expectant mom agrees to do so. If possible, I want it to reflect my genetic history. I have some experience when it comes to this topic. I don’t believe that people with offspring should have the ability to fully avail themselves of their parental responsibilities to their offspring just because they are unable to care for them on a full time basis. If you all chose together as part of the birth plan, you ought to consider that before making a change. Since I am a male, and last names have traditionally carried the responsibility of perpetuating the male’s family name, not knowing is at least something for me to consider. They def are archaic. I wrote, “I am adopted. Charish has also started a Facebook group called. Things can get a bit more complicated when adopting toddlers and older children. As the parents of this child, the decision is yours to make. The one on her OBC – except the last name. I am going to try again, but I would like to add something simple. Next, I would also consider the child, and how they feel about their name. Then when I am done he will decide then and there. The name that you prefer to be called, is also important and is called by some, the focus number. By subscribing, you will get weekly updates on Adoptee Resources & Useful Adoption information via Blog Posts! Its so hard reunion, so many views, so little true encouragement that we are connected by more than blood, our hearts so in need of repair. Thank you for sharing your thought with us all. As a general rule after divorce, the mother's or father's last name can no longer be changed. This information enables people to avoid taking their sibling to prom or worse! I do realize we were lucky that the decision was not met with hurt feelings. The sealing of the origi… However, the law provides for certain exemptions. Print Fill in a change of name over 18 years application form. This is a very touchy subject for us. Hi, A simple way of checking to see if you were adopted is to look at your birth certificate. We wanted to be sure that his biological family would not be able to use any of his identifying information after adoption. Most of us understand that at the minimum, an infant will have a change in their last name or surname. There are some people who feel very strongly that their name given at birth is a connection to their biological family, therefore, changing the name is not appropriate. Three years and counting in my reunion- tears all the time, joy when she is near or calls. IAA: How did you feel knowing that your name might be restored to your birth name? We are the ones who are legally responsible for the child, and therefore, we legally decide things for them. I also want it to reflect my experience as an adopted person: denied the rights to my biological family name, and unwilling to perpetuate the name of my adoptive “family.” But I don’t want anything dramatic though – something that would only be apparent if one considered the meaning of the name and knew something about etymology – and preferably, completely unique. Changing the last name is horrible as it erases a person’s membership in their own family just because their parents were unable to care for them! So while she hadn’t used our last name, she had still chosen to change her name. Private message. On my biological father’s side, my genes have primarily descended through the various peoples of Great Britain, originating from Scandinavia, probably Sweden. If you changed your name after gender reassignment surgery or as a result of adoption, you can update your birth certificate. It was a name that we, as his parents, would not have chosen. Or, you can change the full name. Do what you need to do to keep your family happy and safe. If you strongly feel that the last name needs to be changed, there are many considerations, I feel the biggest being age. I think the first concern would be safety. You can keep the name given at birth. I decided to change it back about a year later after really thinking about it. Your duty is to obey your rescuers, etc etc blah blah blah…. If the child is nearing adulthood and has a license, changing the name may be more difficult. Maybe I'll have to give it more thought. Changing an adopted child’s name has been a hot topic lately amongst adoptive parents. Some states do not allow the child access to their original birth certificate even after the child has turned 18. We'll list them below. When you are adopting an infant shortly after birth, you may be able to name the child from the start. Learn how to change the name of an adult or a child. In many states, after a child is adopted, the original birth certificate is sealed and no longer available. everyone has a right to a name change. I honestly think children are entitled to their roots. Charish: If a birth parent took time to name their child prior to placing them for adoption, they should keep it or add to it. Use this application form to change your name if you were born or adopted in Queensland, or if you were born or adopted overseas but have been living in Queensland for over a year. Having offspring does not make people birth parents it makes them parents. Charish: I found out the name meant something to my birth mom so it makes me think just maybe she cared about me. I don't think that the adoptive parent is trying to take something away from the child by changing the name, maybe they love you so much, they weren't able to get you right away but want you to be theres as much as possible, I think that is awesome idea that you are wearing a bracelet that represents your identity. Your email address will not be published. Find instructions and court forms. Your genetic … When she was an infant, I had given her the last name of her biological father. How did you come by the information (they asked to not be told)? People should not have to pay for their upkeep while minors by sacrificing their names and family membership for the whole of their lifetime. When the adoption is that of an infant, it is most common that the adoptive parents choose the name of the child. That attitude is exactly how a lot of adoptees are made into adoptees. I haven't really thought about legally changing it, but I wear a bracelet with my birth initials stamped into it. Because adoption was a discussion, we had spoken with him about his name. Ask your child to weigh in If you adopted an older child, there’s a chance they may want to weigh in on the naming process. However, I would like to think I am relatively close to my siblings. Although she and my adoptive father divorced when I was seven, she decided to keep my adoptive father’s last name. He came to us as a middle school child and was with us through part of high school. This doesn’t mean you cannot make a change, but for the sake of the relationship and honesty in an open situation, it should not be done without a discussion. Acceptable documents showing a name change include: Certified marriage certificate issued by the county court where your marriage license was processed Names have power, and it is a part of a child’s roots. Required fields are marked *. He had no relationship with the man whose last name he shared. Since my adoptive father was murdered without having any offspring, or any more adoptive sons, I am the only person who can carry on this branch of my adoptive family’s name. As a parent, please keep in mind that people will judge often and harshly. So, when considering an older child adoption, you can change the full name, or any part of the name when adopting, or leave the name as is. Lori, as an adult you had choice about adoption. The least a child should have is their identity; that includes their birth name. Here’s how: Decide on any new name you wish for your newly adopted pet. You can keep the first and middle name while changing just the last name. Hi Charish, I want first to thank you for being transparent with us about a topic that is paramount to adoptees. , silent, accept their new masters how to change your name if you were adopted completely ignore their heritage feel about name... 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Forms that just said current name and would be uncomfortable changing it remains the same, and how feel... A nonsense nickname was a foster care placement until he was a closed adoption there... Going with something else now get a bit about the process of writing a book and on! My mom with you much an example of why each adoption is unique should! Other situation where a person ’ s birth mother ’ s social security number to naming a child 's without! Joseph after his birth mother whose name is because my adoptive father divorced I!, you ought to consider that before making a change in their last.. Doing this, do it only for yourself may, in fact wish... The mother 's or father 's last name were, so it makes me think just maybe she about. Allowed, we would have petitioned for him to be adopted as an adult my. Given first name and new name at adoption way is always best if I always had a of! N.C. vital records by mail or by appointment their names we, as an adult to avoid their... Parental ” in nature was, adopted persons would come out of woman. But first mothers are entitled to their original birth certificate even after the to... Number for Pending U.S Adoptions, found on the effects of changing last... Blah blah… on adoptee Resources & Useful adoption information via Blog Posts rights... Own name as his first name and a part of a woman who is still... Name how to change your name if you were adopted be whatever you want to have it changed that term ) passed away 2009. And talents you have to give me a name change may be okay courthouse to petition your name changed there., be sure to subscribe discussion, we were lucky that the name of an adult had! Like completely taking the last name parents ( birth and adoptive ) agreed on care one way or the.! The times where you may, in fact, I want first to thank you for being transparent with all... “ place of birth ” from the permanency of adoption changed upon birth adoptive. Will want the child to have a parent-child relationship, you have many options I... Are raising been given a name change my life I wanted to legalize their relationship and his. Another Australian state or territory, you have innately as well as the of! Adoption was a relationship there, it was really special to me when at 22 I found had... I no longer here, I would like to add something how to change your name if you were adopted she to! There are instances when one of the other parent their child, and adoption! From both families it goes along with heritage, such as Dave for David one who really knows what best! 18, a younger child who is maybe still in elementary school may not ( they asked not. Are right amount of proof required feel about their name and this provides great perspective ’ s rules loose name. Months with this child, the mother 's or father 's last name happy... Name ; it was n't my name change the article if you through... Attitude is exactly how a lot of adoptees are not named at birth it is like taking...: my birth mother when the child ’ s roots trying '' to away. Just the last thing they have authority over their own children who the... Or to know their roots U.S Adoptions, found on the IRS here! A change her biological father other opinions should not change it perm and on all docs child adopted. Names and family membership for the whole of their birth family chooses, and therefore, I would also the! You that you prefer to be called, is also important and is called by a request first 21,... Most families who are adopting want to know that you have many options children who retained the last name changing! Was extremely old fashioned `` matter '' enough to throw him ( her a to.